everything beautiful

This Thanksgiving, as I hold my baby girl in my arms, I know she is an extra special gift from our Heavenly Father. It took a year of waiting. A year of loss. A year of growth. A year of hope.
Nineteen months before she was born, her daddy and I had a joyful three-day secret that quickly turned to sorrow. A baby brother or sister for Matthew had lived and died on its way to my womb. I’ll never forget the agony of standing in the hall of the hospital, clinging to Dan, not wanting to walk the final few steps to the check-in desk where the end would become final. That was the hardest day of our life. Yet, the whole time, the truth rang deep and clear in our hearts that our God was sovereign and that He was good. It brought us peace. It’s hard to explain why these truths were automatically at the forefront of our minds. Our walk and relationship with the Lord leading up to that point had apparently readied us for a time like this.
The ten months that followed were times of grieving, waiting, wondering, hoping and learning. The attributes of God like compassion, faithfulness and a refuge for the oppressed took on a whole new meaning that I am sure I wouldn’t have noticed or learned if it wasn’t for this circumstance. For that, I am truly grateful. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

This baby’s due date came and went that Autumn, and I was sad and surprised that another baby wasn’t on the way yet. But God hadn’t forgotten us.
Thanksgiving 2008 dawned with an excitement and hope in the air. We chose this day to take yet another pregnancy test. We knew we could be disappointed, but wouldn’t it be special to share some exciting news on this special day? So before we packed up the car to head to Thanksgiving dinner at my parents house, we took a test, sat on the bed and waited for hours (a few minutes, really) for those beautiful two lines to show up. And God graciously let them appear. Claire was on her way! The rest of the day was a joyful time of relaying our news to our family members in fun and creative ways. We had so much to be thankful for last Thanksgiving! God would have been just as gracious and merciful if He hadn’t chosen to give Claire to us, but this Thanksgiving, as I hold my baby girl in my arms, Thanksgiving Day holds a special meaning. We are thankful to the Lord for allowing us another joy beyond all measure that comes with having a child.

This past Sunday at church, Dan and I sang a duet called "You Are Good" by Nichole Nordeman. This song meant a lot to us in the days and months follwing our miscarriage and it was special to sing it right before Thanksgiving this year. Here is part of the song:
When it's dark and it's cold and I can't feel my soul
You are -- so good
When the world is gone gray and the rain's here to stay
You are still good

So with every breath I take in
I'll tell You I'm grateful again
And the storm may swell, even then it is well
And You are good

So how can I thank You, what can I bring?
What can these poor hands lay at the feet of a king?
So I'll sing You this love song, It's all that I have
To tell You I'm grateful for holding my life in Your hands


Months before Claire was conceived, I bought a little plaque with Ecclesiastes 3:11 on it and hung it in our hallway as a reminder of God’s sovereign timing and His special plan for our family. Now, each time I walk down the hall to Claire’s room, sweet memories fill my mind of all that the Lord taught us in 2008. Then, I go in, hold my sweet baby girl close to me, watch her breathe deeply, gaze at her little button nose, smooth cheeks, and tiny fingers and whisper, “He has made everything beautiful in its time.”